It feels horrible, but it can't actually kill you. Stuttering will never kill you. It will be very embarrassing at times, but it won't kill you. You've got one chance at life. If it can't kill you, just push through it. Keep walking through that fire. That's the mentality that helped me when I reached a similar rock bottom point to you in my first year of college. I just felt like, from now on I'm just going to close my eyes and walk through the gauntlet. If something kills me, so be it. If not, I'll keep walking and take every hit. Looking back, that was when I rock bottomed mentally and began coming back up. I'm in a great place now, about 9 years later. Good luck, man. Lots of life to live yet. Be a soldier.