First off, cut yourself some slack. Embrace the idea of self love. You should treat yourself as well as, or better than, you would treat anyone else. With that in mind, why are you mad with yourself for something you can't control? You're not making the decision to stutter. It's a condition / disability that you struggle with. If you were walking behind someone with a limp, or crutches, you wouldn't be upset with them. They're walking the best they can. You're talking the best you can. You're not the only one. I've always been fluent when alone. There is a psychological aspect to stuttering. But it's more complicated than that. There are physiological factors as well. Fluency is achievable for many of us. But you won't achieve it by sheer force of will or desire. If you desire fluency, you have to take action to achieve it. I was able to get fluent in my 20s with speech therapy. The same speech therapy that didn't work in my teens. Only difference was me and my dedication to working the therapy. I'm no expert. My experience is anecdotal. Regardless if you're interested in therapy or fluency, ***please be kind to yourself***. One of the most harmful aspects of stuttering can be the psychological abuse we inflict upon ourselves: Reliving disfluencies; Avoiding contact; Making decisions because of our stutter; Being angry; etc. IMO, what we do to ourselves is much worse than any reactions or behavior we receive from others because of our stuttering.