I know roughly how you feel. Thoughts of suicide and depression aren’t fun things to live with. I’ve been working on bettering myself and my speech for the better part of a year now. It’s a difficult process, it’s frustrating, but it’s worth every second of fluency. What helped me was [this book.](https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0933388454/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1507133491&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=stuttering+self+help) I’ve read it at least ten times all the way through and it helps a lot. You can’t give up on yourself. Even if your stutter doesn’t go away, you still have so much left to offer the world. I’m a Christian guy, and I don’t want to get preachy, it’s not my place, but my faith really helped ground me with my stutter. I’m not saying that you have to find God or any other religion, but having some kind of constant that can ground you like that really helped me. It can be anything, too. A hobby or person you can talk to.