Looks like you're still in high school. You have barely lived life and justifing your extreme views on a very small, limited, narrow time frame. Grade school was hard for me too but once you are out and can live life on your own, things change and can get better. Most people's speech improves over time. Probably won't be cured, but instead of blocking on every word, may only block on every two or three. If you are so worked up on your speech, just be mute and use sign language. Or carry a notepad or tablet that says you're mute and use that to navigate public speaking situations. This whole "woe is me" thing is only going to make people not like you even more. You will probably say so what lol But just stop speaking altogether and learn sign language.