I’m right there with you your not alone, just now I was literally crying to my mom about how tired I am of speaking and I just wish I could pour acid down my throat and be mute for the rest of my life. Don’t let anyone tell you what worked for them or how their life is better now is how it’s going to turn out for you. Only you can choose if your gonna let it debilitate you or your gonna live your life the way you want to live it, it’s something I struggle with every day as well but I’m gonna try my best to not let it debilitate me anymore.