I have little fond memories of spending time with my relatives

I have little fond memories of spending time with my relatives When I was a kid, my relatives often tease my stuttering and make fun of me. My grandma laugh at me whenever I stutter. I had no way to stand for myself bcs they'll never take me seriously (and bcs im a kid) Now I'm 18 yrs old, have moderate stutter and fail to get a real job (im planning to take art commisions bcs i do digital art) I have to attend a family gathering tomorrow. I hate social gathering. I hate my relatives. I hate their voices I hate seeing them but family gathering are once a year, it would be selfish of me if i didn't attend so that's a sacrifice that I have to make. Besides, my mom and my older sis would be really toxic to me everytime I express my lack of excitement for family gathering. I don't have any cousins around the same age as me that's why I'm a little lonely at family gathering. I'm sorry I'm just venting rn. And sorry, English isn't my native language. This is also my first post on this subreddit. I'm sure I'll be all alone at family gathering tomorrow so you guys can tell what do you think, give advices, or just chat at the replies so I can kill time by reading them :) Btw, Eid Mubarak to my other fellow muslims.