You seem like you’re having a hard time dealing with the fact that you stutter. Constant negativity will eat you up alive if you don’t do something about it. There’s no shame in trying a medication to help alleviate the “doomed” feeling you’re having or if you want to see a therapist. I do all of the above and it helps because I was severely depressed months ago. I still get down because of my stutter but I bounce back way faster than I used to.