I can understand. I get these thoughts almost every other day . But i just cannot imagine how it would affect my parents. They have given me whatever they could. Take it one day at a time. Consult a speech therapist. Try to get better. I know it might sound easy but actually is quite a struggle to get back to living a normal stutter free life. But we got no options. We gotta fight it out. Be worthy of your suffering. God has chosen only the strongest ones to suffer the most. Be strong 😀