I see this was deleted, but either way, I think I better understand where you're coming from. I saw you mention you're in couples therapy, and really that was the main thing I was going to suggest, so that's still good. Sounds like you're both earnestly working together, which is when couples therapy can be helpful IMO. Sorry the ADHD groups didn't work out, but as someone with ADHD myself, I have worked with a therapist on strategies that could fold into what you're describing. I found a neurodivergent specializing therapist who uses DBT (which includes mindfulness) which can be very helpful, as DBT also includes an interpersonal section. Given how you're both working on separate issues simultaneously, and also working together as a couple, I can see how Reddit might not be as helpful since it's a bit more layered.