Alright. I'm not going to undermine your expression of suffering. But you must understand that 19 is not a lot of years. It takes time to get a handle on your stutter. And also, it takes time to figure out yourself, regardless of any struggle with speech. Don't try and rush it. That's not really helpful. Instead, you should try seeking out some professionals if you can. Speech therapy is one of the things we know to be able to help stutterers manage their speech. And then, maybe you'll get a hang of all that other stuff too. That's up to whatever else happens in life.