My story.

My story. Hello everyone. First of all, I am glad I found this subreddit and I've been reading posts for a hour now and it's too relatable and I want to write my story. Before all, I just want to say that English isn't my primary language, so I am sorry if I make any mistake while writing this and I hope you will understand everything. I have need to speak about it and nobody in my real life wouldn't care because they don't understand it and everyone would probably say "I stutter sometimes too" and it makes me angry . ​ So basically, I am stuttering since I was 6 years old, and I can remember how it started. My sister and I were playing on her phone (she was like 15 at the moment) and her friend sent her a video, and we both clicked on it and started watching. Point is, that video was a jumpscare. As I remember and as my mother told me, after viewing it I started shaking and I simply lost my breath for like 2 minutes and they thought I died, no joke. After my breath somehow came back, that's where my nightmare begins. I am 18 years old currently, and I am in high school and this sh\*t is painful. In middle school I didn't care because all my friends kinda got used to it, no one ever made fun about it, I had a lot of friends and I enjoyed my life but problem started when my high school period started. Everyone's thinking that I am some kind of a weirdo just because I don't like to speak, and when I do speak, I don't stutter a lot but it's still there and it makes me feel very depressing because after every conversation I made I am thinking like "now he thinks bad about me, now he's going to tell everyone" and things like that. Thankfully, I am not getting bullied for it, but my own mind is killing me. As a most of people, I don't stutter when I am alone and I don't stutter while I am talking online with someone, I simply don't stutter one bit while talking online. I stutter the most when I am with my closest friends and family, I simply can't speak a word when I am talking with close people and it really pisses me off. Weirdest thing about everything is that I don't stutter when I meet new people, I am speaking fluently, but after knowing them for few days, I can't speak a word out without stuttering. I developed social anxiety, low self-esteem and a lot of other things because of it, words can't explain how insecure I am because after every conversation I made with someone, I am thinking about it when I come home and it makes me feel very sad and bad. It's killing me, it's killing my mind and I am overthinking it a lot. Luckily, I have two best friend from middle school and they are used to it and they don't care, and I feel amazing with them, they are like my therapy. As I said, I am not getting bullied for my stuttering in high school, but I can feel "that" vibe that they don't accept me in class, I can't explain it but I just somehow feel it. In middle school it was all good, I even had some girlfriends, I played football, and I lived very good and I didn't care about my stuttering AT ALL, but after coming to high school, everything changed and I am thinking about it too much. Luckily, I have one person from middle school in my class, I was not close with him in middle school but he's only person I can speak to without overthinking, and even when I stutter with him I don't feel good, even though he probably doesn't care because he got used to it in middle school. Is there any advice someone can give me, any way to bring my confidence back because I think problem is mainly in my head because as I said, I am overthinking situations and coversations too much. People probably don't even care when I stutter while speaking, but for me it's end of the world and I will think about it whole day. Thanks for reading if you're still here, and once again, this subreddit is amazing place. <3