It’s easier to just not believe in God lol. Why can’t you just be like, ok I got dealt this shitty hand. Other people get dealt different kinds of shitty hands. It just is what it is, it doesn’t require an explanation. Focus on what you as an individual can do to improve your fluency and that’s it, it’s not that deep, and the more deep you try and make it , you might be hurting yourself by being too focused on it.