Your right it sometimes is out of your control. I was fortunate enough to be blessed with a loving momma and (to a lesser extent) daddy. They're the only people who care about my well being. Without them I literally wouldn't have any hope. Being alone is very unhealthy for you mentally, which in turn makes you physically unhealthy. I promise you it's not worth it, as when you look back as you get older you'll be filled with regret. If your depression is serious enough you need to get help. If you take anything away from this discussion let it be that. My life is a trainwreck because of poor mental health. There's hope buddy. Your young and your whole life is still ahead you. Don't give up. I believe in you. No retreat, no surrender.