Hey OP, thanks for sharing - I identified with a lot of your stuttering experiences and even some of the life ones. Good on you for putting yourself out there - with AA, with counselling, for going back to school - those decisions take courage. If you're up for a new challenge, I'd suggest trying out the local ToastMaster's club - I went to one session, then let anxiety get the better of me and I stayed away for a year although I knew it would be helpful. For whatever reason, my fluency talking/reading in front of strangers improved dramatically once I attended regularly. The members are super supportive. The proudest moment was competing in the (optional) annual improv speaking competition where you walked into a room and are given the title of your speech - you have the time it takes you to walk to the podium to craft a speech - I didn't win when I tried it, but it was a victory for me to even participate. I remember the "always on edge" feeling I had when I was 25 and I sense you may feel that way too. I'm in my late 30s now and life, while still busy, seems much calmer. It took awhile but I've found what "centers" me - exercise/yoga, float tank sessions, outdoor walks and stoic literature (I'd recommend it). I hope you can find a combo that works for you. No matter who you are uncomfortable moments are going to happen and that's OK - either with you (block on "alcoholic") or others (therapist falls asleep, friend gets weirded out with "report") - note them in your head, laugh if you can and move on - if you continue to focus and work towards your goals, you won't need to dwell on minor events of the past.