I've had nearly the exact same experience as you. Here's _my_ admittedly long story about finally opening up to someone about my stuttering: I've stuttered since I was a kid, and as I grew older I had more and more anxiety around it. Class presentations in high school and college, phone calls, meeting new people... ugh. /u/lcpd925 eloquently described my scenario as well: > My whole life it seems has had to be planned around my stuttering And like you, I had never discussed my stuttering with anyone. Not my family, friends growing up, or my friends in college. It can make you feel like no one understands what you're going through, but you desperately just want someone to know. And like you said in one of your comments, you kind of feel like at this point you can't mention it to some people because it'd be weird since you waited so long to talk about it (which is how I feel about it with regards to my family). For _me_, one of the places that I feel the most self-conscious of my stuttering is at work around my coworkers, with whom I spend 40+ hours a week with. I'm a 26-year-old software engineer and have worked for a little over three years at my first "real job" out of college. Most of my coworkers are incredibly nice people, but I wouldn't say that I'm "close" to any of them. It feels like my stuttering is a huge barrier between me and getting to know my coworkers. When my coworkers talk to me, I usually just give bare minimum answers (out of fear that I'll stutter) and I worry that they interpret that as me not wanting to talk to them. They obviously know that I stutter but they have no idea how much it bothers me, how much I think about my stuttering (multiple times a day), or that I get really embarrassed and really sad for about 20 minutes after I stutter really badly when talking to coworkers. They probably assume that since I've stuttered all my life that I'd be "over it" by now but we all know that's not how it works. It's hard to get used to the weird looks you get when talking to people, especially when it's the first time someone has heard you stutter. I don't think any of my coworkers have any idea that: * My stuttering bothers me *a lot* even though I've stuttered all my life, and I get really embarrassed when I stutter a lot around them. * I have a decent amount of anxiety based around my stuttering. * When talking to others (especially coworkers), my primary focus is on my stuttering and how the other person reacts (which as you probably know, doesn't help) and my *secondary* focus is on the content that we are talking about. * The way they physically *react* to my stuttering can greatly negatively influence my stuttering, even if they aren't aware that the way they react has this effect on me. (ex. looking like they want me to hurry up with what I'm saying, or looking away/down as if I'm making them uncomfortable or ashamed to be talking to me) * I don't say things a lot of times (unless they **must** be said because it's work-related) because I'm afraid of what *they* think of my stuttering, and not because I *don't want* to talk to them. * Ultimately I'd love it if there was just *one* person that knew what I was going through. Then it happened. I was talking to a really nice coworker in another department (of whom I work with often and is the one coworker that I feel [relatively] most comfortable talking to) about some bug in our software and we got to talking about other stuff, yada yada yada, and I casually mentioned my stuttering as an example in what we were discussing (which is the first time my stuttering has ever been **acknowledged** at work in the three years that I've worked there). Then she asked, "How do *you* feel about your stuttering?", and I told her that I hate it and that it's why I'm so quiet/shy, etc. and we talked about it for about 5-10 minutes. She then spun back around (kind of in an excited manner) to her computer and said that when she was doing some research about stuttering recently, she found [this](http://www.stutteringhelp.org/6-tips-speaking-someone-who-stutters) and my immediate thought was, "Wait, you were reading up on _stuttering_? Because of *me*?" After instant messaging with her over the following few days about how I deal with my stuttering, how I think *others* perceive my stuttering, answering whatever questions she had about stuttering in general, etc., I was able to finally put my feelings about stuttering into words. And not just words for *someone else* to read and to understand, but for *my own* sake as well. She then confessed that she had *wanted* to ask me about my stuttering but didn't know how to bring it up, and that she had talked to other coworkers if they think that it'd be okay to just ask me about it. (She probably thought that I would have been offended if she mentioned it, which couldn't be farther from the truth.) She said that her and others really enjoy working with me and that they want to make sure that I'm comfortable talking with them. I was overjoyed. It was a cathartic experience knowing that **my coworkers cared and that someone was willing to discuss my stuttering with me**. After three years, my stuttering was no longer this unspoken "elephant in the room" for me at work. I thanked her a few times for talking to me about my stuttering, but she likely has *no idea* how much it truly meant to me. It was like a huge weight was lifted. (Sure it's not like all of a sudden I've accepted my stuttering, but at least I know that _someone_ understands and that counts for something.) **TL;DR: People you're comfortable with are more willing to discuss your stuttering with you than you think.** If you have a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, family member, or coworker that you are comfortable with, they are probably more than willing to discuss your stuttering with you. In fact, it may very well be that they *want* to talk about your stuttering with you but don't want to mention it because they think you'll be offended or angry with them, _or_ they might just assume that you've accepted the fact that you stutter when in reality (as you've described) you haven't and that misunderstanding doesn't help anybody. Like others have said: if they care about you, they will listen, and you will feel much better about your stuttering knowing that someone understands what you're going through. So my recommendation is to take a shot and strike up a conversation about it with someone that you're comfortable with. They'll likely respond positively. ***** Side question for _you_ /u/pbro23 : Does the Xanax _just_ help with your nerves or do you feel that it helps you stutter less because of you being less nervous? Also, how often do you take it and how much do you take at a time?