Why Do I Say 'Um' So Much?" – Stimming and Autism

Why Do I Say 'Um' So Much?" – Stimming and Autism I never really thought much about it until someone pointed it out. “You say ‘um’ a lot.” At first, I brushed it off. Plenty of people do, right? It’s just a filler word, a way to gather my thoughts before speaking. But the more I paid attention, the more I realized—it wasn’t just something I did now and then. It was constant. **"Um" is my stim.** For as long as I can remember, speaking has been a challenge. Not because I don’t know what to say, but because my brain works faster than my mouth. Words get stuck, jumbled, or disappear entirely before I can grab them. So, instead of sitting in silence, my brain fills in the gaps: “Um… yeah, so, um… I was thinking, um…” It’s like a rhythm, a beat in my head that keeps me moving forward. Some people flap their hands, tap their feet, or rock back and forth. I say “um.” And just like any other stim, it brings me comfort. It helps me regulate my thoughts, navigate conversations. But here’s the thing—people notice. They think it means I’m unsure, nervous, or unprepared. I’ve had interviewers cut me off mid-sentence, teachers tell me to “just get to the point,” and even friends joke about it. And I get it. From the outside, it probably looks like I’m fumbling through my words, struggling to express myself. But the truth is, I know exactly what I’m saying. Stimming isn’t about being unsure. It’s about **being me** and that's the message I want to share. I spoke with Mary who has an autistic child who also stims on my YouTube. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t08u2XAu\_BQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t08u2XAu_BQ)