Seek professional help. You'll get more out of it than you will from this sub. Alcoholism destroys lives and it's good that you're recognizing the harm it's doing to you. Now you need to take action. A big part of learning to live with a stutter isn't finding ways around it. It's finding ways to accept it as a part of yourself. You'll find as you get better at that you won't feel as trapped in your head and you'll find others who also accept you, stutter and all. You deserve the help you need. It takes courage to reach out the way you did here. Use that courage to speak to a mental health professional. PS. Remember that not all therapists are the same. You may not get anywhere with one. Whatever you do, do not give up.