Most people who think of suicide don’t actually want to die. They want to die because of something that hurts them very much. I was just like you March 2021. I dug myself a grave so deep, it fucking scares me how deep I went. Best thing that helped me is hanging out with my friends. Even as something little as riding my bike along trails and just listening to music can help. Please go talk to a trusted one about this. All of us love you