Does your friend know he's made you feel like that? If so, and he hasn't changed, then tbh he sounds like kind of a nob. Also dude you're only 20! You have lots of time to meet someone. And everyone gets burnt by a crappy experience at least once before they settle down. I'm just saying don't write off dating apps completely. In person, I think a stutter can be a good douchebag detection tool ;) You don't want to date anyone who will make you feel like shit about it (or anything else). Also personally, and generally, I found that someone will come along once you stop looking or trying. That is just the way of the world. I don't have much good practical advice apart from "try not to give a fuck" which is really difficult (but a good skill for all areas of life). But try to stop the avoidance - doesn't have to be all at once, just one day at a time. You could start by ordering without the notepad just once a week and increase that as time moves on. ​