I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. For what it’s worth, I do understand to some degree. I’ve had recurring stuttering issues at certain milestones in my life and I know it can bring you to some dark places, especially when you can’t see past the present situation. But realize that if you’ve been free from it once, you’ll almost certainly be free again. Perhaps the problem stems from where you believe your value comes from as a person? Does your ability to speak fluently, at will, in any situation determine what you deserve and what you’re worth? Could it be that the approval or disapproval of others matters more to you than it should? I don’t know you or your situation, obviously, but that’s always been part of my problem. Once I start seeing myself as an equal with the same rights and respect as the people I’m talking to, that tables turn pretty quickly. Please, please don’t think suicidal thoughts because of this. It’s so not worth it. I know it can feel dark when you’re in the thick of it, but it won’t be this way forever. Life has so much more to offer you. Hang on and you’ll get through it!