Sorry to hear you're struggling now. It's probably safe to say that just about all of us have been where you are. But many of are in different places now. And you can too. Things can get easier. Getting support from the right professional can get you there more quickly. The work to get there isn't always easy, but when you're ready to do the work it's 100% doable. Communities of stutterers, like this one here, are also great!