It seems I didn't accept my stuttering, fully. But one thing I cannot accept is being defenseless, letting people do whatever they want to. And I don't know how to go around that. I understand that I cannot be a real monster, how can I, my burden is extreme vulnerability but there's sth I need to do, ignore it, be positive and these cliches sayings, that's crap. I need to be able to be aggressive, to harm, maybe there's some breaking point? How to access it I wonder? And if I do there's always some day I just feel so bad and everything I am able to do is sit at the corner, hide from everything, just to reduce the suffering. Yes, I will try it. I am afraid of the side effects, they arr addictive etc. also not sure which ones anxiety or antidepressants... and also I know I have no real depression nor anxiety, it's result of my life and my choices I made. But without it I can't go on, I know it, so I'll give it a try. Thank you man, I seriously appreciate it.