Is anyone else’s family critical or judgmental of them having a stutter? (Family/career related vent)

Is anyone else’s family critical or judgmental of them having a stutter? (Family/career related vent) This is a bit of a long vent, thanks for reading this if you do! I’ve had a stutter since I was little, went through the usual bullying as a kid, then when I went to college and grad school, I realized that my friends and professors didn’t care about how I spoke, they cared about the content of what I had to say. So for a long time, I would have embarrassing stuttering moments but just kind of brush them off, forget them and keep moving forward, because no one judged me for it. Fast forward five years, and my grad school plans fell through thanks to funding issues. Because I wasn’t able to finish my degree, and also my grad degree didn’t easily transfer over into the workforce (I wanted to become a professor in a very niche field of studies), at the age of 32, I had to start over from scratch. It was a little tough to adjust at first, but I’m someone who likes to work hard and finds a lot of satisfaction in working. So I didn’t mind starting over, I was happy to be back in the workforce. What I didn’t realize was that my stutter was apparently an issue to potential employers. I did the restaurant hustle for a few years before landing a job as an assistant to an executive at a well-known company in my city in Feb of 2020. Not my dream job or in my dream career field, but it paid well and was a good place to start. I was hired a month before lockdown, and was told that part of my role was to be a representative of (Executive’s name) in (Executive’s division). The implication was that I needed to be really formal from the way I dressed to the way I wrote emails. Nbd, I love a stylish blazer and I’m a good writer. I showed up in the office dressed professionally and with very formal professional manners, etc. Then we went remote within a few weeks, and suddenly my job changed from only briefly interacting with a few people who were coming into my boss’s (the executive’s) office for meetings to a more expansive role. I was being asked to take on a lot of projects across the company as a representative of (Executive’s office), which meant a lot of 1:1 Zoom meetings with people in the company I’d never met irl, and facilitate a lot of Zoom meetings that were high level meetings, like board meetings. I was learning a lot and was glad to have the new opportunities. I was stuttering the entire time, of course. And I was on a 6 month standard probationary period. I was getting good feedback during the first 5 months from the office manager who reported to the executive I assisted. Then, a week before my probationary hearing, out of the blue, I was told that my probation was being extended several more months for really unclear reasons. In private conversations with coworkers, they told me this almost never happened at the company and was really unusual. That’s when I also found out from my coworkers that the executive I was an assistant to had hired and fired 6 assistants in one year. I was #7. Ever seen the movie the Devil Wears Prada? It turned out to be that type of situation. It gets messy from here, but the tl;dr was that, after a ton of emails between the executive, office supervisor and HR, a few months of extended probation later, I was let go in Nov 2020 under really, really unclear reasons. And as far as I can tell, the extended probation was to document enough “mistakes” to justify me being let go to HR. And the “mistake” documentation was so petty and weird that it would have been funny if my job weren’t on the line—and a complete 180 from the feedback I’d gotten the first 5 months. They had an agenda, they wanted me gone, and I guess when you’re an executive at a high level, you’ve got the power and you get to call the shots. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Here’s where the stuttering part comes in: during the slow and painful extended probation period, I was sent a number of passive aggressive emails from the office manager about disability accommodations. In 1:1 zoom calls with the office manager (not the executive), she heavily implied to me that my stutter made me look unprofessional. And that as a representative of (Executive) and (Executive’s office), I wasn’t polished or formal enough as I went into a ton of meetings with people across the company to work on projects. Obviously this was all really devastating. And when it was over, my mom, who I’d been talking to and asking for her advice the whole time, basically said, “Well, it was because of your stutter. I’ve been telling you for years you needed to go to speech therapy. You aren’t going to find another job until you can speak right.” After I was let go from that job, my mother said she’d help me pay for essential items like food and medications while I find a new job, but only on the condition that I found a speech therapist and went every week. I am grateful that my mom is able to help me pay for groceries, it ensures that I’m able to continue paying rent and utilities etc from unemployment insurance and my savings. So many people are struggling so much, and even though I’m in a tough spot financially, I do have some help. But at the same time, my mom is making me feel that my stutter - something I didn’t choose to have, that’s considered a disability - is my own fault. And that I somehow screwed up at my job by not going to speech therapy. And that her support is conditional on me making a choice about myself that isn’t hers to make. I spent most of my adult life learning to live with my stutter and not letting it define me or any of my accomplishments. For most of my adult life, my friends, peers and professors didn’t think it was an issue, they saw value in me and my work. I didn’t think I needed to go to speech therapy just to make myself more acceptable to others. That’s a really fucked up way to look at someone. It’s one thing when your boss, who makes Miranda Priestly look supportive and understanding, makes that judgement about you. But it’s deeply hurtful that my own family has decided the same thing about me. I feel like I have no value at all. So that’s why I’m writing this very long vent. My job search has been a disaster because I’m suddenly so afraid of stuttering in front of other people that I freak out, and am afraid to do interviews. I’m also taking Spanish classes to upskill myself, and I’ve never been someone who let my stutter get in the way of a goal. For the first time in my life, I’m skipping classes because I don’t want to talk. And I’ve stopped sending out job applications because I don’t think anyone would want to hire me because of my stutter. It’s an objectively stupid thing to do (my unemployment runs out in 2 months) but I am completely paralyzed by fear and self-hatred. If you’ve read this far, thank you. I appreciate your time. It’s helpful to just put this out there anonymously, because I really don’t know who else I could tell this to who would understand. And if anyone has any advice about dealing with job hunting as a stutterer, or dealing with family members who are judgmental of your stutter, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks everyone. I hope you’re having a good weekend. Sorry this post is long as fuck.