I feel this and have been where you are at various times in my life. Sincere question, which I’ve been downvoted before for suggesting — if you feel this deeply this way about stuttering, have you considered learning sign language and befriending people in the deaf community? If you have any experience with or spent any time around deaf culture, their happiness, optimism, and joy is largely infectious. They are a welcoming people and perhaps this would bring you relief in freedom of communication in a group where your stutter wouldn’t just not matter, but never even be known.