What do you intend to do to make things better? This is obviously affecting your mental health. Are you seeking help from a mental health professional? Have you sought out speech therapy recently? Would you consider seeking out speech therapy to help improve your fluency? You don't sound like you're at peace with the situation. If you're not happy with where you're at today, make a move. Your attempts might be fruitless. Or they might help. But if you don't try something, you'll be in the same place tomorrow.