I'm going to sound a bit cruel... It sounds like stuttering is the least of your issues. Have you sought help? You have to ask for help. No one can see into you and understand what you're dealing with. I appreciate you sharing here. That's a good first step. Take the next step. Get in to speak with a mental health professional. You have so many things you're carrying. You need to start lightening the load a bit. Maybe with the help of a professional, you can find a starting point. With every step you move forward, you have opportunities to build hope and self worth. IDK what your journey has been, or where it will lead. But please take the next step to move forward.