You need professional mental health help. You need to communicate how badly you hurt to a professional who will champion your healing. Please find a counselor. Also, I've been there. I recently came out of a 2 month depression from PTSD during a phone interview. I couldn't speak to save the human race and they ghosted me. *Feelsbadman* Then I started working out. Saw the progress of my efforts and felt something good. Then I went camping with some close friends, saw the stars and felt grateful to be alive. Get help and stick around because you're worth it.