I totally feel you, man. I get these thoughts all the time, and my stutter is really severe. What really helped me was going to the National Stuttering Association (if you're in the US) events, because there you can finally ignore your stutter, because there it's the norm. You don't have to worry about if/how much you stutter, and it's freeing in a way that I can't even put into words. Start there, and then build your way up to other more stressful/fluent situations. The end goal (super long term, and something very few stutters reach) is to be so internally at peace with your stutter that you don't let it influence you. It's really hard to put into words, but once you're around other stutters, it's a feeling you'll be intoxicated by and will want to pursue at all costs. One way to start is by whenever you stutter, carefully monitor how you talk to yourself afterwards. If your inner monologue is things like "I hate myself," "why can't I just talk normally," "that was a failure," those are barriers to you being at peace with your stutter, and I know it's really hard because I've been working towards this for years and I still catch myself thinking those things, but really try to limit how much you say those. If you feel yourself start to think those types of thoughts, instead think "that was a success, because I talked. I'm proud of myself for doing that." And you should be proud of yourself, because coming from someone with a very severe stutter, it's so much easier not to talk than to put yourself through all the physical, mental, and social pain of talking. But that's not what life should be. So after each time you talk, no matter how much you stutter, be kind to yourself. Because talking is fucking hard, and the more you reward instead of punish yourself for it, the better you'll feel, the easier it will get, and the more you'll want to do it. Sorry this probably sounded really preachy at times (and also rambly and incomprehensible), but I've been exactly where you were and I want to help you get out of it. Take a look at NSA events near you (there's an NSA young adults facebook page that's pretty great), keep your head up, and keep your mouth moving. You got this.