Sometimes I don’t know but, especially after the first of a particularly bad lot, every instance afterwards feels inevitable and I know it is going to happen. It is like being set on fire or suffocated. It begins in the chest and rises, squeezing on my throat. I caught myself in a mirror once during a conversation and my face and neck turns completely red and splotchy if I push on for too long. I had absolutely no idea of this but it is something people had commented on and I hadn’t taken them literally about it.