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Stuttering -- My personal approach Let's say you stutter. Of course you do. What else made you decide to read this very text on stuttering? As a stutterer aged 24 who joined the fight against his personal demon 18+ years ago, I know exactly what you went through. Admittedly, my stutter is "only" mild, ranging from several times a day to some stutter-free days. But still, I know the nervousness, the feeling of fear that blocks your mind, the fear to say anything. Or thinking about what the other person is thinking about you. Or the feeling that you want to say something important in the discussion but you know you will fail. These thoughts can induce the most extreme feelings of fear -- fear of talking to anyone, fear of connecting to anyone on a deeper level. Stuttering made me become quiet, shy, nervous, afraid and reclusive. My way of thinking was: the probability of stuttering to occur is proportional to the amount of time I spend talking. So, the best way to stop stuttering is, obviously, to stop talking for the most part. After years of fighting the stutter, I developed an [avoidance behaviour](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidance_coping). I hated talking. I tried my best to avoid public presentations, phone calls or important conversations. I spent an absurd amount of my time and imagination to construct imaginary arguments in which everything just clicked, where I was fluent, where I was happy. I also perfected my strategies to avoid those horrible situations in which I would have to talk. Or I developed methods that seemingly reduced the occurence of stutters, when in fact these methods made all things worse. This typically includes filler words like "uhm", "err" etc. as well as talking way too fast. I was called out on this behaviour a lot but this induced an even stronger fear, making everything worse. Like many of us, I spent hours, days and weeks reading and consuming blogs, postings, and inspirational texts on the internet about fighting and overcoming stuttering. I even read studies about 'magical' substances like Vitamine B12 or Phenibut that were proven to be working against stuttering. I bought pills, consumed texts, searching for a magical cure. I tried and I failed. My parents sent me to a speech therapist when I was about 15 years old. I remembered that I was really comfortable talking to her. Strangely enough I didn't stutter that much. I wondered why that was the case. I almost gave up. Was I destined for leading the reclusive life of a hermit, an exiled weirdo that cannot talk? A guy that has given up? No way. What is there left to do? After some time, I actively analysed my behaviour, my reactions when I stuttered. The problem with stuttering is, in my opinion, well apart from the actual stutter, how we react to our stutter. This is by far the most uncomfortable thing about stuttering. Not the stutter itself. It is the reaction to the stutter. Likewise, I not only avoided talking, but the avoiding behaviour took over my life. Instead of acting, I avoided acting. This way, abstruse complications occurred as soon as people realized I awkwardly avoided something. This evolved to be the *leitmotif* of my life. What I needed was not a magical pill, but rather a change of mind, a change of mentality, a change of paradigm. I read about philosophy and stumbled upon the stoics that have something to say about attitudes towards the things that happen to us. > *People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.* >-[Epictetus](http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html) This quote is powerful since it states: Not the things that happen to us are bad, it is our impressions about the things that are destructive. What I realized was that my problem with communication is not that I am bad at communicating. I speak just fine when I'm alone. I concluded that I do not have a problem with speaking. My problem starts as soon as my imagination takes over and catalyses the fear deeply engraved into my subconsciousness. This leads to my rigidity, out of shock and fear. Blocks and stutters. Stoic philosophers like [Epictetus](http://www.philosimply.com/philosopher/epictetus) taught me to accept that there are certain things which are not in my power, which are beyond my direct influence. Some things are in my control (my own actions, how I react, what I choose to think about) and some things are not (my instincts, reflexes such as fear, my body etc.). Stuttering is not in my control but coping with stuttering is. Thus, since stuttering is beyond my control, it is indifferent. My speech impediment, my avoidance behaviour, my way of communicating, of talking too fast was not the problem. All of these are the symptoms of a strong emotion: a deeply rooted fear. The fear of what could happen if I failed, what other people might think of me. The root cause of my avoidance behaviour is my imagined fear, not the things themselves that happen to me. Even when I'm going to stutter, I will move on and try not to care about it too much. Essentially, this is more of an 'I don't give a fuck' attitude. Instead of investing my precious time on earth in imagining what might happen if I stuttered or what could happen if I were not a stutterer, I am better off with using the time and imagination to cope with my problems and to carry out my plans. The genius [Napoleon Hill](https://www.amazon.com/Think-Grow-Rich-Napoleon-Hill/dp/1912032996/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1489356015&sr=8-1&keywords=think+and+grow+rich) put it better than me: giving reference to [William Ernest Henley](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invictus), he argued that "*We are the masters of our fates and captains of our souls because we have the power to control our thoughts.*" He calls this auto-suggestion. When you 'feed' your subconscious mind with optimistic thoughts, you will adapt the positivity which will help you in achieving your goals. [Always be optimistic](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/1gdxry/depression_feels_more_real_optimism_feels_like_a/cajbziq/). Whenever there is a negative thought, realize this, accept it and move on. Do not spend more time thinking about a thought than it deserves. When a thought stops being useful, which happens rather quickly with negative thoughts that induce fear and doubt, stop thinking about it. I meditated about it and finally I was able to convert what I learned about myself into a change of mind. I cannot stop stuttering altogether, but I can change the way I react. I can change my attitude towards stuttering. Instead of hating my conditions and hating myself, I choose to accept it. Instead of being afraid of what other people think of me, I start to think: [I don’t care what you think of me; this is who I am, and I refuse to be anyone else.](https://markmanson.net/power-in-vulnerability) This sounds easier than it really is, and requires practice, but I hope you got my point. Do not surrender. What I wrote here is what helped me the most. By developing a positive attitude I was able to raise my confidence, I stopped caring so much about other people’s impressions. I accepted that stuttering is an integral part of myself. Something I have almost no direct control of. Only by stopping to live in other people’s head, I was able to significantly reduce my anxiety. My stutter is not gone, it will never go, this is utopic wishful thinking. But I lowered the probability of a stutter to occur. When I have a conversation nowadays, most people do not even realize that I have a stutter. My attitude towards stuttering was the problem all along. I would also like to recommend making mindfulness meditation a habit since it helps you with your awareness. Being aware of what happens in your mind and body when you stutter is essential to understand how to react to your stutter and keep calm. I don't want to delve too deep into this topic. There are other people, e.g. [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Meditation/wiki/faq), who are far more experienced and better with words than I am. I also recommend breathing techniques aimed at focusing on your diaphragmic breathing. What also helped me a lot was the [Valsalva approach](http://www.valsalva.org/valsalva.htm) that made me think and reflect and showed me that stuttering is not the result of an inability to speak, but rather the result of an interference with the process of speaking. And lastly, you have to remember that it is not useful to dwell on past events, nor is it productive to fear the things that probably will happen. The only thing that matters is what you do right now. > *Two elements must therefore be rooted out once for all: >The fear of future suffering, and the recollection of past suffering. >Since the latter no longer concerns me, and the former concerns me not yet.* > -[Lucius Annaeus Seneca](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/3l1sud/i_made_an_image_of_the_quote_that_eliminated_90/) Also, English is not my mother tongue. **TL;DR: There is no ‘magic pill’ that cures stuttering. There will never be one. A change of mind is the key to overcoming fear, but it is a slow process. Avoidance behaviour is not the problem, but merely the symptom of fear. Conquer your fear. Accept that stuttering is a part of your existence and that you cannot directly influence it since it is beyond your direct control. When you stutter, accept that you stuttered and move on. Instead of wasting your imagination to induce sorrow, use it to induce positivity. Stop living in other people's minds and stop thinking what the people think of you. This will increase your self-confidence and self-perception. Lastly, do not dwell on your previous stutters, do not be afraid of future stutters. Live in the present.** Edit: I accidently some words.