I hate talking too. I used to be terribly depressed and still get quite down sometimes due to my stutter. What keeps me going is, I'd rather try my best and fail than not try at all. People are much more impressed when they see someone with an obvious disability but still doing everything they can to make it. I'm 32 now and can't imagine being suicidal like I used to be. There's a lot of younger people in this subreddit and I get it, it's hard to see past what it's like right now. But the older you get, the stronger you get. Hopefully you and OP will live long enough to realize that, and I'm rooting for you! If I can make it, so can you and OP.