It’s rough man. It’s really rough. I relate to everything you said on your post. Stuttering is a disability. A very misunderstood one. I’m on government disability benefits because I can’t work because I’m too anxious because of my stutter. Having felt the exact way you have felt. All I can say is… keep going. Enjoy the simple things in life. Try find people who care and will take the time to listen even when you are stuttering. It’s hard I know. And it will continue to be hard. You’re not the only one. I feel the exact same way. But we have to keep going. And we have to find some light in life. It has to exist and we must find it. Creative outlets. Or through other mediums. By sharing our storey in some capacity. I know you keep going back to the default thinking. I do too. If only I didn’t have a stutter. But we do, and it’s not going away. So we have to cope and manage the best we can.