My stutter has reached a culmination point.

My stutter has reached a culmination point. I feel so melancholic,embarrassed and ashamed of myself.I feel like i have always exhibited stuttering in some shape or another,but now it has evolved into blocking,face ticks and other secondary behaviour.I think that it is imperative to make the distinction between innate stuttering and environmental stuttering-for me individually the catalyst is always over-reaction to environment or emotional background,which triggers an ever repeating suffering and guilt.I have noticed that when i record myself,i have the ability to speak superbly-even the longest words are pronounced without any hesitation.However,the contrast in actual speaking situations is startling.I can barely utter a word out without going out breath,speaking isnt a spontaneous anymore,it isnt natural.4 months ago people were making remarks how fast my speech is and how its barely comprehensible,but paradoxically i consider that a compliment now,because atleast i got my ideas across eloquently.Now i feel useless and spiritually amortized.I need some empathy,i need some strength.I feel so nostalgic about the precious moment where i would speeak spontaneously.I feel terrible.