When I was 20, I thought I'd never have a gf. Since then, I've had lots of them, wife, kid, and life has been great. I know all those feelings you speak of. Your stutter isn't you. For better or worse, fluency comes with age for most people. I super-blocked all the time when I was younger and speak to large groups now and still stutter but don't give a shit. Maybe that's because I'm 42 now...but don't give up. It gets better...just think of this part of your life as "Character Building". Looking back on that time in my life, it made me a much more resilient person.