I didn’t know there were so many people like me
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I didn’t know there were so many people like me Hi, everyone! I’m a lifelong stutterer and for so long I’ve felt completely alone and sheltered. I’ve been ashamed of my stutter my entire life and have done everything in my power to hide it or remove myself from conversations so no one would know, often at the expense of people thinking I’m anti-social or don’t like people. Or that I don’t have ideas worth hearing. I’m just the “quiet guy” who never speaks up. I’ve also been so ashamed by it that I’ve never explored communities or resources or research about it. In a lot of ways I’ve even been ashamed of the word “stutter” and it’s often hard for me to even say it out loud. Sort of a “if I pretend it’s not real then maybe it’s not and I can just do my best to hide it forever” mentality. I can remember being in middle school thinking “well when I’m on high school I won’t stutter anymore” as if it would just go away, and yet here I am at 30 years old still struggling with it. Being paired with the fact that I’m an introvert, am already and anxious person, and am not very expressive, I think people often get a negative impression of me. I worry constantly about how people will view me because of my stutter, I over-stress about job interviews or public speaking or even interactions with people. I even feel embarrassed stuttering around my fiancé even though she has been nothing but supportive. I have two young kids and even struggle with them one day catching on with the fact that their dad struggles (they’re four and five so they don’t really get it I don’t think.) it’s been hard for me to see myself as a successful person even though I’ve written novels and have seen success in my career, I just constantly feel held back. It’s been so great to read so many stories, especially now with stuttering coming more into the spotlight (I think?) after the presidential debate. I can see myself in so many of these stories and it’s invigorating to read that I’m not alone, and I hope that I can be a system of support for some people just as this has been for me. I’ve literally been on this page? Channel? Reddit? (I have no idea how to use Reddit, ha), for three minutes and it’s just good to see that there are others out there sharing their stories and overcoming and living their lives as they should.