I used to do the “if only...” i.e. if only I didn’t stutter, if only I had money, if only I had a girlfriend...Funny thing is I’m pretty fluent now , good job, happily married, and I have a shit ton of responsibilities and problems. Believe it or not, I sometimes think fondly of the simpler days of being broke and lonely. As someone who kinda fell into that trap, I’d say don’t wish your life away, try to do something every day that makes you happy and makes you a better person. Hopefully the rest will fall into place.