Hi! Thanks so much for sharing this with all of us. I can appreciate that it took a lot of emotional energy to write. It struck a nerve with me, and I wondered if we could talk about it for a minute here. > Just 5 minutes ago I was full of will to live and now I am sitting here, write this text and cry because of realization what a piece of shit I am and that it will never get better. I will never achieve goals I set for myself and I never will be happy as long as I stammer even if these goals will be achieved. Please reread this to yourself. I'm honestly wondering if you would want anyone who isn't you to feel this way about themselves. Would you think they deserve to feel this way if they had a disability? If they were deaf? Socially awkward? What if they had no legs? Would you ever encourage them to think of themselves as a "mistake?" What if it was someone else you cared about who stammered? I'm not a stutterer myself, but I recently started dating a guy who has a stammer. He recently expressed a very similar level of attention and focus to avoid stuttering when he talks. I honestly (and I mean honestly) don't care how long it takes him to get words out. I am very fast talker and I've always appreciated someone who is able to slow down their thinking to match their talking. He is very easy to understand, even if words don't always come out perfectly. Even if he were 10x worse, I can't imagine it would be a problem UNLESS he were obviously loathing himself for it. The problem is: would you ever believe someone who said that it honestly wasn't that big of a deal? You have made your stutter the focus of your existence, and the sole determiner of your worth. Plenty of people with stutters (and, believe it or not, much more debilitating disabilities) are out there living fulfilling lives. You cannot cure your stammer. But you can learn to love yourself and others who struggle with disfluency. I urge you to share these feelings with others (friends, family, therapist), but when they believe you, I implore you to believe **them** when they tell you how they feel. This can morph into something much larger than just a stammer: into mistrust for other human beings, and a self-hatred that is disproportionate to the problem at hand. I wish you all the luck in facing these feelings-- it takes a lot of courage to do so!