When it comes to things that are necessary in life ie. Job interviews, communicating in my job, etc it doesn't matter how awkward and terrible I feel because I see those as things I have to do. Yes, I still often feel like shit after but at least I achieved something that was required of me. Telling jokes is not a requirement. So why should I be trying to do it when almost every time I try I feel like shit after? It simply is not worth it to me.