postr/StutterFebruary 2, 2019

Best and Worst experience you had with your stutter?

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Content

Best and Worst experience you had with your stutter? Hey everyone, haven't been posting in here for a long time. I'm a 22 years old Italian stutterer. I've had my stutter since i was 5-6, and even though it's not that severe, it was more than enough to hold me back quite a lot in life. As the years passed i treated my stutter by hiding it with pauses, carefully placed "uhms", change of words and pretending that i forgot what i had to say. I've become so good that most people don't even know i stutter, but i still get very annoyed at blocks. I know that hiding it only makes things worst stress-wise; i'm trying to embrace it and i'm beginning to accept myself, but it's not that easy when i've been hiding it for years. I stutter mainly at the beginning of a sentence/phrase, and as i go i relax and stutter less or sometimes not at all. Anyway, after this little presentation; what's the best and worst experience you had with your stutter? I'll start. One of the worst ones for me takes me back in the third year of middle school. One day two guys came to host a lesson about what high school was better for us to choose. After they came in, they quickly introduced themselves and then asked us to do the same. Each one of us had to stand up, say his name, surname, our aspirations, and which high school we wanted to attend. I was the last one to speak up, and as my classmates did their presentations, i was repeating what i had to say multiple times in my head. When my turn finally came i stood up and i said: "Hello... my name is..." and then blank. My name just didn't want to come out. It took me quite a lot to pull it out, i think it took 10 seconds but it felt like a full minute. All this with the laughter of my classmates ringing in my ears the whole time. I was so embarassed, i just wanted to crawl away from there. The two guys hosting the lesson didn't know what to do, they just looked at me with a very worried expression. Their reaction was pretty funny now that i think about it. I still block when saying my name sometimes. The best moment (for now) was my final high school presentation. Didn't stutter at all (or at least i don't remember anything disastrous), i stopped worrying about my stutter and i just said what i had to say. I'll have my final exam of university later this year, where i'll have to discuss my thesis with a microphone to a lot of people, and i hope i can do it just as good and with the same confidence.

Themes

Anticipation & AvoidanceCauses & VariabilityEmotional Experience

Subthemes

Feared Words & NamesAvoidance & SubstitutionHiding & ConcealmentOverthinking & MonitoringSeverity & FluctuationShame & Embarrassment