i need help, i feel so depressed and hopeless
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i need help, i feel so depressed and hopeless 17f hey, so i currently have a job (apprenticeship) within the field of admin work. i’ve been here 2 months. my job involves basic admin tasks, which is fine. but basically, making phone calls is what i’m struggling with the most. i just can’t do it, and it’s making me ILL. my anxiety has been so bad, therefor my stutter has been horrendous. i absolutely hate stuttering, i hate how it makes me feel, i hate that i cant TALK like a normal person. it’s literally controlling my LIFE. i can’t even engage with conversation within my workplace because i stutter so much, so i just sit there, in silence, isolating myself. because of this, i don’t think i fit in at all. the environment isn’t the nicest and i just feel anxious, uncomfortable and on edge 24/7, which in hand, makes my stutter 1000x worse. even when i’m calm in work and somebody speaks to me, i still stutter so so much. i hate it!!!! :( i talked to my manager and supervisor about it and they said ‘it’s just something you have to do, it’s part of your job’ - so they weren’t understanding in the slightest, they literally don’t care. i just don’t feel comfortable or supported but i’m sooo worried about being unemployed and unsuccessful. whenever i have to answer the phone, i can’t even say hello. it’s like a block, nothing comes out. and then when i finally end up saying hello, i stutter so bad on it. it’s so embarrassing, especially knowing everyone can hear me. i asked if i could go into a separate room to make phone calls, as when people aren’t around me, my stutter reduces so much. but they don’t allow this. i have an interview tomorrow for a nursery, i am genuinely so so excited. it’s such a different setting and i feel like it could be something amazing. i just wanted to ask, do you think i should go for this interview? do you think this type of setting would help my stutter/anxiety? i just genuinely feel so depressed at the moment. i wake up every day and dread work instantly. i throw up, shake, get palpitations. i’m hardly sleeping, have no motivation. it’s just controlling my life and i need advice, tips, honesty. do you think i should get out of my current job? what do you think i should do?