I know where you're coming from OP. It's hard to feel accepted for who you are when so many people do you wrong in the past. Especially abuse in childhood, just know it wasnt your fault. Therapy can go a long ways with stuff like this. If you're not ready for that, try an online community like InnerWorld (https://www.inner.world) where you have a safe space to talk freely about it and learn how to cope with it. I just started this recently and it's amazing. I wish you the best OP 🙂