Life long depression

Life long depression I’m 36 years old and been dealing with my stutter my whole life.. when I was a kid I’d pray that Jesus would take something else!! Just let me be able to talk.. I’ve been dwn real bad at times. Anxiety, depression social Awkwardness. I tried to cope with it using drugs and alcohol.. Still haven’t come to the realization that it’s just me. But it’s super hard when you’re embarrassed and ashamed