The world is HELL if you're ESL and stutter!

The world is HELL if you're ESL and stutter! I am stutter. English is my second language. I lived in US for 3 years. I live with my parents, they took me to US. I am 25. I have no job because no places hires stutter+English2ndlanguage(plus problems!). I've just started studied a healthcare program. Hell yes I've made TONs of mistakes! stupid mistakes like I did not know difference between technologist and technician. I've only talked *stutterly* to my instructor and a classmate that is an immigrant but she is fine like other immigrants. I am the only 1st gen immigrant who stutter. Every classmates are diligent and seem to know a lot .... because there were many students applied to the program but there are only few of them are accepted, include me. I feel like I must be cool, but I am not. I am weak and wanna cry when I am in labs with them. I feel like I am left behide. I have a lot of fears about talking and social. I wanna tell them hey I am learning English and I also stutter, but I cannot because adult must be cool, strong, and independent. I am afraid they kick me out if I show I am stutter. I failed 2 college before because I was in depression and tried to suicide before. I am afraid to fail this college again. I have memorize problem; I cannot remember anything well. Oh I do not want to work as a healthcare worker, stressful and boring! I want money to live. Healthcare careers make a lot of money, ok? I want that money. I do want to graduate. Once I worked in a kitchen and this job was very very hard, so I determind I do not go back to that kind of job. The biggest problem is I do not want to speaking and communicating with people. I do not like to explain or tell story(like I post thos on reddit) because ot makes me tired. I want to be alone but I am dependent. I think about death, but it is too scary. I have my parents and cat to love. I may suicide when my patents die because I have nothing to live but only them. F**** you fake world! Rejections I got! The world of lying, force me to become a liar. If I am not a liar, I am a loser and antisocial! Choose! Choose! Choose! Yeah I am pessimistic and sad.