postr/StutterFebruary 4, 2023

Experience from a 40 year old…

75 points17 commentsView on Reddit →

Content

Experience from a 40 year old… Long post here… I’m 40. My stutter generally comes with certain word blocks. Most people don’t know that I have a stutter since I’ve learned to mask it well over the years. But the internal struggle I deal with when talking sometimes takes its toll. Here’s a bit of my story in hopes it will help younger people cope. When I was in elementary school, I loved presentations in class. I was outgoing, had good friends, but also got made fun of sometimes for my stutter by bullies who generally had other noticeable issues of their own. I didn’t care about being made fun of, at least I don’t remember it as so up until I was about 9 or so. Around age 10 I got really into music (it was the grunge era) and started associating with outcasts in bands as I felt a connection with them. I became more reserved, my confidence dropped. I remember giving a presentation in 6th grade and blacking out due to being so nervous. That was a turning point for the worst for me. I realized then I had an issue bigger than initially thought. Though I found my friends in middle school and was social, none of my friends cared when I would stutter. Sometimes they would crack a joke towards me, but we would just laugh about it. No harm done, all in good fun. It made it easier. Still friends with some of them to this day. My main issues came when it was large groups of people like a class room, my anxiety would skyrocket, and still does to this day. Any time we would have to read in class, I would always strategically go to the bathroom right before it was my time to read. Presentations? Forget about it. I managed to dodge 95% of them all throughout high school either by faking being sick that day or just cutting class. I knew the ins and outs, I had a system. On the otherhand I barely managed to graduate. I worked as a video editor in my 20s and was often asked to do scratch voiceovers for the commercials we were editing as people liked the tone of my voice. I couldn’t say no, but also forced myself to do them as a ways to not let my stutter rule my life. One time I did a scratch voiceover that the agency we were working with liked so much they wanted to use it for the real commercial…I found myself reading lines in front of a room full of people as they analyzed the way I presented the lines. Horrifying to think about. Strangely, I was ok and it all worked out. But man, was I a nervous wreck those few weeks. Job interviews are another thing. Even to this day I get anxiety leading up to them, but when I’m in the moment I’m always fine. Always. To the point I’m so fine that I talk too much, I think. Sure I have blocks, but I manage to get around those blocks by either pausing and letting someone else fill in the word for me, or exaggerating a word. As you get older, you learn to deal with it. You develop your own system to make things easier on you. Also as you get older, in general you become the one being looked up to rather than down upon. Confidence goes up as life goes on. At least in my experience. I’ve also met a few friends over the years that have also had stutters. So others do exist! :) One so bad it was blatant the first sentence out of his mouth. But he was an extremely likeable guy who dated very attractive people all due to his confidence. Point is here, no one cares about it. It’s about your own personality. I’m happily married, been with my wife since 2005. I stutter to her the worst out of anyone because I don’t use my mental tricks with her, I just let my stutter come out. She doesn’t care, never has and never will. She knows if I need help, she steps in but also sometimes doesn’t even think to step in because my stutter to her doesn’t matter, just like it doesn’t matter to anyone else. I still get anxiety when on zoom calls with 30 people at work, but I’m also one of the few with my camera on and cracking jokes or talking in general. It helps me feel more confident to force myself to do those things. Sure it hard to do so, but If you just hide from your stutter forever, you won’t get anywhere. Not sure if anything said here will help anyone, but do know that it does get better as you get older. It never goes away, but you develop your own system and your confidence grows…at least in mine and other people I knows experience.

Themes

Anticipation & AvoidanceCauses & VariabilitySchool & WorkSocial & Relationships

Subthemes

Hiding & ConcealmentAnticipating StutteringOverthinking & MonitoringStress & Fight/FlightEmployment & CareerFamily Support & Conflict