I'm really sorry mate. The world always looks different when you're in despair. There is plenty of help out there available. Try talking to your parents about getting some help for what you are feeling and experiencing- you would be surprised how different things can feel after the right person listening to you. Who knows it might even help with your stutter- my stutter is much worse when I am anxious. Don't burn your friends out just yet either. I've experienced similar and most of the time what i thought the situation was, it wasn't. But i do hear you . It's bloody hard sometimes. You're not alone and you won't be alone. I didn't find my friends until i was 17, and now i'm 45. Things do get better