I'm sorry to hear that's happened. Think a few of us can relate to your scenario: wanting to call someone but resorting to other means to spare the terrible feelings. A common topic for PWS to talk about is stuttering x relationships. Many people have the same problems. You're gonna hate what I have to say. You gotta get out of your comfort zone! Had you have called her, things could have turned out differently than how we plan it in our heads. But, no way to re-live that and find out. Gotta move forwards. If you view your stutter with that mentality (the "my stutter has won" mentality) then it's gonna stick with you for the rest of your life. It'll consume your thoughts and will make things worse. You gotta stop letting your stutter stop you from doing things. It's easier said than done. However it's definitely possible!! It only takes small actionable steps to go in the right direction. By seeing progress in baby steps it will help you to grow and accept new challenges. Besides, when does anything good happen by staying in our comfort zone? When you muster up the courage to talk to one girl on the phone - you'll have the courage to talk to 10! Plus, it sounds like this girl takes up a lot of your head space. Sorry, she's gonna have to go. I empathise with you dude. But the only way to stay the way you are is by doing nothing about it. So what are you going to do? To start, you could be avoiding things/situations much less. Even though it pains to endure them you'll come out the other side a better person. But maybe you already know this because of this situation. Wish you all the best man!