This is very tricky for us to help with, because your personal history is probably a big part of it, and I don't think there's any way for us to sort that out with a couple of internet comments. But we've had conversations on the topic in here before. It usually turns out as threads with people who think one thing and others who think another thing. Some might agree with you and some might disagree. So, would that sort of thing help you? I'm not sure. But I'm sure we can all follow what you're saying, and you can also see the various aspects involved yourself already too. To address the very distinct _why_ that's making you feel this way... isn't that more something for a e.g. psychologist to handle? We would certainly want to be talking things through in some sort of methodical way, if we want to get to the bottom of things, right? At any rate, you know what the situation is well enough already, I think: There are words that mean different things to different people, and there are people who want to say kind or reassuring things despite not being familiar enough with what they're talking about, and there are ways of interpreting what people say in various directions. Perhaps your inability to get out of the mindset that's troubling you isn't something you're supposed to solve on your own. Whether or not someone here on Reddit can aid you in that, I don't know. But I would definitely want for you to be able to get a new perspective on yourself and your situation somehow. It's hard to agree with anyone when nothing sounds like it feels.