I feel much the same way. It's hard. But you just gotta keep going because of it. I hate my stutter. I hate it with every fiber of my being. I don't think it's cute. I don't think it's something that makes me unique or special. But I also don't want it to win so I keep on going to spite it and whatever power decided to put this on me. Hate is generally a bad thing but hating your circumstances and continuing on in spite of it is the best thing we can do.