First, as others have said, nothing that follows is intended to delegitimize your pain. I've stuttered since I learned to talk, 34 years now. It has been **hell** at times. But please, read: Nothing you described makes you weak. Everyone, stutter or not, has those feelings. But, as someone who has trod that path and treads it still: it gets better. Push through, you can do it. Frankly, nowadays I treat my stutter like a litmus test: does someone new give me time to finish what I'm saying? Almost always worth my time to get to know them. Someone laughs maliciously or flat out ignores you? Fuck 'em. Naturally you can tailor this to your circumstances. You're stronger than you know, my friend. If you need to chat, I can PM you my cell number or you can hit me up on here.