postr/StutterMay 11, 2016

Feel crappy

3 points7 commentsView on Reddit →

Content

Feel crappy Just wanted to vent with those who will understand. I'm a chef and I was at work yesterday. The server asked how many minutes until a product would be ready (I wasn't late with it, he was just asking) and I stammered really badly. Not just 't-t-t-' but all the painful facial grimaces and sounds. He immediately started taking the piss out of me. To be honest I'm kinda proud because I told him sternly to stop or I was walking out the door (he was the supervisor and I was the only cook so he needed me). He apologized and was nice to me for the rest of the night but I still feel like shit. I feel like I don't belong in a workplace. If i can't say the most simple sentences, how the hell can I be expected to function in a professional high-pressure environment? Feels like I'm inflicting myself on a society that just doesn't want to deal with me, because of my disability, like a child who's trying to fit into the adult world but can't because I can't perform the most basic action. Its humiliating. This was not the first time I've had the piss taken out of me, but its the one that cut real deep. Kinda feel like crawling into a hole and never talking again. I apologize for the dramatics. I know this is pretty routine for us stutterers and that I'm wallowing in self-pity, but there's just something that hit me bad about yesterday that I can't shake off like I normally can. Like I've seen the cold hard truth about myself. Usually my stutter doesn't bother me, but every once in a while...damn it sucks.

Themes

Emotional ExperienceIdentity & Disability

Subthemes

Shame & EmbarrassmentFrustration & AngerHelplessness & AgencyStigma & Bullying

Codes (2)

ordering_service_encounterperceived_judgment